by Ana Viana, M.S.
Jealousy is an uncomfortable and overwhelming emotion. It comes with feeling insecure, anxious, angry, and even shame for feeling jealous. It can be a hurtful force in our relationships if it goes unaddressed.
However, it can also give us an opportunity to work on our relationship. It can act as a signal for unmet needs or underlying insecurities that require attention. Understanding the root of jealousy within our relationship is key to effectively managing this emotion and preserving the connection within our relationship.
As a love and relationship therapist, I see jealousy come up in relationships often and while my work with each individual and couple is unique, I find that building three main skills can help significantly: Communication, Insight, and Self-Compassion.
Sharing when you are feeling jealous is essential. If you denying what you are feeling, you bottle up what's inside you and may end up doing or saying something you are not proud of. Communicating can help you voice your concerns and triggers within the relationship with your partner. In this way, your partner can learn what you need in the relationship to feel more secure.
Gaining insight about the source of your jealousy and triggers within your relationship will help you manage them. Speaking to a therapist can be a good place to do this-- it's a safe space where you are able to openly discuss this topic and learn how to manage this emotion. Learning how to cope with jealousy is an ongoing process that can be done but it does require work on your part.
Self Compassion & Grounding:
Learning healthy coping skills to manage reactive behavior when experiencing this emotion changes the direction of your relationship. Self compassion is recognizing that this emotion feels intense but it is normal. There is a reason that you are feeling this way. Engaging in positive self talk, not judging yourself for feeling this emotion will help you approach your emotions with compassion.
As we embark on this journey of self-discovery and emotional growth, we can transform jealousy from a destructive force into a catalyst for strengthening intimacy and trust.
Therapy, whether it's individual or couple's therapy, foster a deeper connection with our partners. One that is grounded in empathy, compassion, and a shared commitment to nurturing a love that flourishes in the face of adversity.
If you are ready to embark on that journey, reach out for a free consultation.
Ana Viana, M.S. is a love and relationship therapist in California. She helps folks learn how to build healthy love and connection through a trauma-informed and attachment lens. If you are interested in working with Ana, schedule a free consultation with her through the link in our bio or by texting the front desk at 626.630.9060
Ana is an Associate at TOC Therapy and her clinical work is supervised by Deniss Pleiner, CA LMFT #117208.